I can write anything in here. I created this blog because I need a place where I could force all my emotions and feelings out of every part of me. So if you do not wish to share any of my problems, please go away. Thank you.
"Alagang-alaga ka namin nung baby ka pa, tapos papatayin mo lang ang sarili mo? E kung sakalin kaya kita ngayon? Hindi na ako magkakaroon ng anak na babae!!"
Mom.. Thank you.. And I 'm sorry for everything.. I love you..
Because of today's events, I now abandon all thoughts of death and self-punishment. You are all witnesses.
Dude, I thank you, too. If it wasn't for you, I would have plunged in my heart the knife I was holding hours ago. Thank you. Mahal na mahal kita.
crying.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Too Shallow.
I hate myself. I don't know how a thing that simple could make me cry. You see, after I had posted my last update, my dear Mahal sent me a text message, and boy, was I pissed off. Grr. I know that he just made her up to annoy me but... I really got hurt this time. I didn't have a clue why I got jealous. Instead of avenging my feelings and saying some things that would tear us apart, I turned off my cellphone. I was crying in front of the computer when it restarted (Okay, how did that happen???). Half an hour passed and I finally turned my phone on. His messages arrived but I still couldn't take it. I turned it off again. My needs at that moment required a little privacy and my room greatly satisfied it. Inside my small but comfortable room, I broke down and cried my soul out. For fifteen minutes I tried different things (e.g. slaping my face, pounding my hand, and punching the wall) that would release my emotions. When I was ready to face everything, I turned my phone on for the second time. Then I apologized to him. Very good. For those who wanted to know, there you have it. That's what happened. Sorry for my unusual behavior. I love you, _ _.
***We have classes tomorrow. Thank God. Thank You very much. Still, I need another favor. Could You please suspend our classes tomorrow when we're all at school? Thank You!! Haha. Naughty, naughty me.
Goodnight then.
crying.
Darn It.
@#$&. I can't believe it. How could there be no classes today? Not that I want to study or anything. I just want to be with him. Yeah, sure, I know that it's for the best, still... Grr. I hate it. What's more, I left my rubber shoes and my unfinished math homework at school and it's impossible for me to get them tomorrow because classes are still suspended according to our oh-so-great president. Oh wait, it's not her that I should blame. It's that pesky Florita. Okay, it's great that I don't have to study all day but... I REALLY want to be with him. That's about my only reason why I look forward to going to school every weekday. *Sigh*.
***Fine. Magtatampo muna ako. Bahala ka.
crying.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Oblivious to Everything.
I had a chance to surf the Internet because I need to do some research about our report in History tomorrow. I happen to pass by my friend's blog and read some of her current posts. Learning that while I was letting myself drown in happiness, she was cutting herself, I came up with the question: "What kind of a friend am I?" I'm supposed to be there for her. Now all I can do is to make sure she's alright. Damn it. Biggie, I'm really sorry.
